Tips for Transitioning to Parenthood
Delivering a healthy, beautiful baby boy was the most wonderful thing. But as my husband returned to work and the attention of family and friends began to wane, I was left at home with our new baby, and it hit me: What had I gotten myself into?
The popular perception is that baby's first weeks at home are pure bliss. On TV, new mothers are beautiful and serene, and new babies appear as rosy, drowsy cherubs. No wonder my husband was unprepared for the vision that greeted him each night when he returned home from work: Me, teary-eyed, dressed in wrinkled sweats or my bathrobe, and our baby, red-faced and screaming. It was a time of adjustment for all of us.
"A lot of people idealize newborns," says Dr. Sue Mahle, a pediatrician with the group Partners in Pediatrics in Robbinsdale, Minnesota. "They think a newborn baby eats every four hours, sleeps through the night, and smiles and coos when it's awake, but that's not a newborn, that's a four-month-old. Newborns are not smiley, happy, sleep-all-night, interactive creatures--they basically live to eat and sleep and poop." With that in mind, here's some advice to help new parents get through those first few weeks:
Your midwife is your partner. "Mothers aren't trained and babies don't come with a manual, so the pediatrician should be looked upon as your health expert, available 24 hours a day, to provide you with a reality check," says Marc Wager, M.D., a pediatrician in private practice in New Rochelle, New York. Wager says he usually meets first with new patients during the eighth or ninth month of pregnancy, then again in the hospital after the baby arrives, followed by an office visit within a week of delivery. But he encourages new parents to call him with their concerns.
"In New York state, a baby is discharged from the hospital between 24 and 36 hours after a vaginal birth, so often you're missing the time period when certain health conditions will present themselves," notes Wager. "If a baby is having trouble feeding--whether that means vomiting or shortness of breath when feeding--or if the baby starts to look yellow, call your pediatrician."
Don't be afraid to ask for help. "The classes they give in the hospital provide a general overview about baby care, but you don't really learn how until you have to do it yourself," says Serena Chapman of Seattle, Washington, who has twin baby boys. "My mother-in-law was great. She taught us how to bathe the boys and how to cut their nails-all the little things you never think about." If you don't have family members living nearby, lean on your friends, says Lori Morrow, a mom in suburban New Rochelle. When friends offered to make meals for the family, Lori gratefully accepted: "I didn't have to even think about dinner for the first week, and that gave me time to rest and be with the baby."
If friends or family members are not available, you may want to consider a postpartum doula--a paid helper who provides both baby care advice and help with household chores. "We're like a mother without the baggage," jokes Ruth Callahan, owner of Doula Care Postpartum Service in New York City. "We're there during the transition to facilitate new parents settling in."
Typically a doula works for several hours a day during the first two weeks a new mother is at home, offering breastfeeding tips, doing the laundry and shopping, making dinner, and taking care of light housekeeping. Rates range from $25 to $30 per hour; the National Association of Postpartum Care Services, which certifies doulas across the U.S., offers a free referral service on its web site at www.napcs.org.
Take care of yourself. "I think sometimes new mothers don't realize how much it takes out of them," notes Mahle, "especially if they're breastfeeding. They need to rest, and they need to eat more." She advises new mothers to adjust their schedules to baby's "so they can nap when the baby sleeps during the day." New mothers should also be aware that hormonal changes may have unexpected side effects, like postpartum depression. If feelings of depression persist or worsen, talk to your midwife, pediatrician or healthcare provider about what you're experiencing.
Lower your expectations. Plans are made to be disrupted. If you have a list of five things you want to accomplish today--five things that would have seemed perfectly reasonable a month ago--cut it in half, and feel good if you can cross at least one item off your "to do" list. With the birth of your first child you are moving from an adult-oriented lifestyle to a child-centered one. Go easy on yourself as you make this transition, and set your standards a little lower.
Get out of the house. Don't be afraid to get some fresh air. Exercise will lift your spirits and help you sleep better, too. But do try to limit your baby's interaction with strangers. "It's important to keep newborns away from infectious disease," says Mahle; she advises new mothers to steer clear of toddlers, "who are walking germ factories," and overly enthusiastic adults. "Most germs are passed by hand, so ask adults to wash their hands before picking up your new baby, and politely ask toddlers with colds to stay away until the illness has passed."
Let your husband be a can-do dad. "Parents should learn to take care of their newborn together. It's empowering for the father to know he can take care of the baby," says doula Ruth Callahan, who notes that "relationship dynamics" can be one of the trickiest postpartum challenges. Include your husband and help him feel comfortable with the baby.
My first child taught me everything I needed to know about caring for a baby, but it took time before I began to understand what he wanted--and needed--me to do for him. Raising a child is not about being the perfect mother, it's about being the right mother for your child. Relax and let your baby be your guide as you begin this journey through motherhood--together.
*taken from "Homecoming Dream," by Theresa Kump, Every Baby magazine, Issue Four.
Related Articles
Postpartum Depression
Helpful Information for Fathers
Recovering from Pregnancy
